A week ago we thought we had to move from our ward. My DH and I both have callings but with the summer schedule we have not been in church much. So, when we thought we had to move it seemed easy to throw in the towel even though we knew that it wasn't right for us to do it or right for the children to see what we were doing.
Now, there is a prospect that we will be staying in this ward and I am feeling ashamed about my attendence, or lack thereof.
I wonder what it is inside of me that makes me want to veer the "wrong" way. Not that I want to do a whole lot that is really wrong but getting to that church building kills me most weeks. I seriously have a resistance to the building.
I guess that the thought of moving makes me feel like there will be a fresh start where I don't have to feel bad about my past absences.
It would be wonderful if this weren't really how it is, but it is this way. I don't know how to change how I am about church things. And for all of those like my best friend who ask if I am praying and reading my scriptures, I will answer a solid "no". I don't know if I want to feel differently so that it would do anything to spark something in me.
It seems odd that I feel the need to confess this somewhere. My DH knows about me through and through and oddly, he still loves me.
Enough rambling, just had to get this out of my system.
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1 comment:
Thank you for being honest! :) I appreciate your honesty so much. It's nice to know I'm not alone in these struggles - I too have often felt "a resistance to the building" (I actually "ran away" from church once when I was about five or six, haha).
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